I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
