Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
