i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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