based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
