its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
