Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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