Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
