I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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