Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
