it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
