Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
