she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
