So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
