Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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