so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
