We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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