New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
