So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
