Kiss
Puke
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
