Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
