party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
