but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
