11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
