I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
