absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
