it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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