You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Randomize
