If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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