I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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