Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
