In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
