he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
