She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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