If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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