TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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