Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
