his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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