Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
