Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
