I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
