i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
