Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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