the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
