dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
