He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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