Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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