Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
