There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
