I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
