I looked at my own cervix.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
