do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
