he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
