Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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