so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
